ºanother day, another project 365 postº

it seems that i have let life run with me once more and missed my 5 day deadline from the project 365 that i am working on. you will now be forced to suffer through another dreadful 10 days at once. *cue dramatic music*

some nights you just need music and candles

Jan 16th

Parks with artificial light have an alluring quality 

Jan17th

working out in the batcave

jan 18th

finding beauty in all unlikely places

jan 19th

pre-ordered vinyls from an old favorite

jan 20th

enjoying the disney magic from my nightly gym routine

jan 21st 

cats have the ability to heal your sad soul

jan 22nd

spending so much time at the gym means you find strange things to photograph in the stair wells

jan 23rd

waking up well before the sun to ensure that you get the prefect light and location 

jan 24th

always chasing sunrises or sunsets, grateful for how beautiful both have been as of late

jan 25th

all images © Delicate Decay Photography

Project 365: days 6-15

As mentioned in my pervious post i have made it a goal for 2015 to complete a project 365. Both as a challenge to myself, but also as a point to slow down and look at the work around me more often. Originally i was going to post every 6 days with the 5 previous days, but i've been busy enjoying life. So enjoy the last 10 days and hopefully i can get back to my schedule of every 6 days from here on out. the important part is that the photos are being taken and i am seeing the world in a new way, a way that has always spoken to me, through my camera lens.

January 6th .supporting talented friends as they make names for themselves in their passions 

January 7th .sunsets are beautiful, even from Wal*Mart parking lots 

January 8th .movies in bed are sometimes a must, sometimes you have long distance movie watching parties with someone you love. 

January 9th .being thankful for amazing road trip cars and the canyon that surrounds you 

January 10th .explore your state. The Slot @ Borrego Springs

January 11th .some times you just need a lazy day at home. Some days reward you with a beautiful sky after a rain.

January 12th .even the monday grind shows you that your daily commute has wonderful surprises.

January 13th .when your fur babies remind you of why you love them in all of their quirky glory.

January 14th .the block you've lived on for 4 years can still surprise you.

January 15th .no matter how long you have known them, your friends never cease to impress.

all images © Delicate Decay Photography

.photographers snip snap, take your time she's only burning.

I wanted to give myself some realistic goals for the year, ones that would not only benefit me spiritually, but also, artistically. I am a wanderer and an explorer, curious to the core; always seeking out more. I wanted to have a way to push myself both with photography and with blogging and so as part of the goals I have set for myself this year I have decided on a project 365. This is something I have wanted to accomplish for years and this just feels like the right time to do it, at the peek of my adventures and documenting all of the things I see. So as to not make this boring for everyone I will post them in lumps of 5. Maybe this will inspire you to get out and explore your world more, or to notice things a little more closely, or maybe you just like seeing what the world looks like one day at a time from a complete stranger; either way, I hope you enjoy whatever this may end up meaning to you. 

.January 1st Santa Ana Bike Trail San Bernardino Ca. 

.January 2nd. 

.signs of winter in Southern California.

 .january 3rd.

.Lost Lake San Bernardino County.

.january 4th. 

.sunset over Ziggy. 

 .January 5th brea, ca.

.the nightly homecoming.

all images © Delicate Decay Photography

Shout º Shout º Let it all out º These are things I can do without ºCome On º I'm talking to you º Come on

the 'why don't they love me?' syndrome. it has always been a personal favorite syndrome of mine. one that i have sat around for countless hours and wondered internally and embarrassingly enough, externally. it is a close runner up to the 'do i deserve to be loved?' syndrome. also, many hours spent asking my cats and my beloved childhood stuffed 'pig pig' (yes, you guessed it, he is a pig. i was a very imaginative child.) in between sobs and cuddles, everyone doing the best the can to hold me together. even now, my faithful little russian blue Ziggy sits curled up next me, paw over my foot head resting against it. he is my magic healer. 

right now i am afflicted with both of these syndromes, my two perfect casters of doubt. i have been trying to tell myself for days, weeks even that i don't have have a touch of either of these two, but the time has come to face the music. they have come in and taken over my brain and now i need to take the steps needed to recover. do i even know what those steps are anymore? am i strong enough to take them? isn't it easier to just pretend that it isn't happening, la la la, life is sunshine and roses? 

i have to first understand that these particular syndromes want to break me down, they want to make me smaller, they want to make me insignificant. they want to make me feel like every bad thing that has happened in my 29 years of life are justified. i almost let them win. 

this is the part where i take back my life. this is the part where i really evaluate who i am and the things in life that i have done and what i have survived. this is the part where i tell those syndromes to kick rocks because i am not going to let them swallow me whole. 

there is a fine line between being private and being secretive. i, for the most part, keep my private life private. i don't air my laundry or badmouth my signifiant others, especially online. so, to even allude to having a significant other to be private about is a big step. for all intents and purposes i have been 'single' for 3 years and 11 months, but there has been someone that i have been interested in, deeply interested in, during that time. for one reason or another it has never gone very far. this doesn't mean that my feelings have been of a nonchalant basis, on the contrary in fact. i would go as far as to say without a doubt that i love this person; which brings me to my two beautifully destructive syndromes.  

'why don't the love me?' this is a silly question when you really get to the root of it. in my case it is even more silly because the answer is easy. he does love me. despite whatever may be happening within himself, he loves me. sometimes love is just not enough. it also brings me back to my pervious blog post; sometimes you have to love yourself before you can truly love someone else, before you can give yourself fully to another person. i have to remind myself and my pesky brain, that 'hey ya dingus, some things just aren't about you!'. 

'do i deserve to be loved?' this is the age old question. the answer is obviously; yes. yes, i do deserve to be loved. i am a good person. but more so, i am honest, understanding, willing to admit fault, willing to compromise, communicate. i have a good job, a kind soul, a vast brain, a childlike spirit, a deep empathetic understanding of the human heart and brain. i am good friend, explorer, adventurer, jokester, a listener, a giver of advice, a reader, an audiophile, a dancer in the dark, the giver of chances. at the core of my being i am human. just like you, just like him. 

i need to take a step back sometimes and realize that being deserving of those things doesn't mean that you sacrifice yourself to be loved. the right person will love you even if you don't always say the right things, or let your temper get the best of you. some people just can't see past the negative things to allow all of the beautiful things into their lives, to let a beautiful you into their lives. i need to remind myself of that in these times where the syndromes are duking it out for my affections. am i saying that he is not the right person? not at all, in fact, i know he is the only person. he is just not the person that he wants to be and until he is i can't expect him to want to love me, to want to make it work. 

it is strange when you realize that you have spent a significant amount of time waiting for someone to 'get it together', when you are the one that needs to get your own head together. when you are the one that needs to get outside of your own self and realize that, yes you deserve love and that you deserve happiness and you shouldn't settle for less, but that you can't expect someone to give you their all when they haven't even given it to themselves. 

time seems like it is moving so quickly, but the right person is worth all of the time in the world. you are worth all the time in the world. just don't lose yourself waiting. you just need to keep being who you are and not allowing pesky toxic syndromes pull you into their web of lies and misery because someone does love you and you do deserve it.

'the reader'

'the adventurer'

all images © Delicate Decay Photography

I know it's over º And it never really began º But in my heart it was so real

there were so many plans for the 'Epic Road Trip' conclusion post and that post will still come, but at a later day when i am feeling less inclined for nostalgia. at the moment i am sitting in my bed trying not to let my mind do that thing it does where it cares too much for things that don't care about it. it is a very tiring process, let me tell you. 

in the past few months i have had a cleansing of sorts. i feel like for a good portion of my life i have been surrounded by tragedy and sadness and chaos and i am finally at a point where i won't take it anymore. being an empathic person and always trying to keep everyone else's little ducks in a row has gotten me to a point where there is nothing left for me and i am questioning things and people that i have always put complete faith into. let me tell you kids, the people you love the most break your hearts the worst. i know that it doesn't HAVE to be that way, but it just is. it is until you take a stand and break your own heart so you can be reborn. 

and so, here i am. new and clean. fresh and ready to wander and explore the world with my cameras and my words. ready to meet new people and to open myself up to a happy life, a happy place. where i don't have to question every action or inaction. where i can be still and trust in the moment, trust in this life. 

in a way this is actually a partial conclusion to the 'Epic Road Trip' because it was that trip that really opened my eyes. i found so much peace and understanding from those moments of silence and laughter and wonder and eeriness. i realized that i am a person worth knowing, worth fighting for, worth the effort and i can't take any less than i put in. 

i need people with truth and integrity and faithfulness surrounding me. i believe that all people can be those things and we shouldn't strive to be anything less, not just for those around us, but for ourselves. to all of those that i have waved goodbye to in the last year, i still love you, but i love me more. come find me when you love yourselves more too, i think we could really share a wonderful story together. 

'Sunrise Over Grand Canyon'

'Jen's Ray of Hope'

all images © Delicate Decay Photography

Bedrock City: Yabba-Dabba-huh?

I am the sort of person that hears about an interesting place and thinks to myself; I have to go there. Unlike most people who think these fleeting thought, I actually get an idea in my head and I commit. Luckily for me there are many places to explore within a reasonable driving distance. I decided however to take a chance on a place called Bedrock City in Williams, AZ. Now, for those that may not be aware, Williams, AZ is literally in the middle of nowhere. 7 1/2 hours into the heart of nowhere to be exact and if you happen to be driving in the middle of the night or in the early hours of the morning before sunrise you can and will miss it, though that is a whole other story for a whole other blog. 

Now I know you are thinking to yourself, 'Bedrock City... why does that sound so familiar?' and the quickest and easiest answer you reach is the likely one;it is the fictional city in which the beloved characters of your favorite Saturday morning cartoons 'The Flintstones' lived!

You can even camp in a designated area and there are bathrooms with showers

Fun Fact: did you know that a good deal of people think that the cartoon and movie was actually called 'The Finstones' and NOT 'The Flintstones'? Seriously there are over 31,000 photos on instagram hashtagged #flinstones and over 4,500 tagged #theflinstones, even when the word Flintstones is spelled out in the photo they took. Baffling. Moving right along...

Hanging right over the entryway to the gift shop and dinner

Bedrock City sounds like a wonderful mystical place that is bursting with energy and excitement right? Well sure, it sounds like that should be the case, but I am here to tell you that is far from the case in this eerie, creepy, and desolate roadside attraction in the literal-middle-of-nowhere. Now, don't get me wrong, this place was truly amazing and definitely a site to see, but if you come expecting it to be filled to the brim and bursting with life, you have come to the wrong place. Oddly enough, what is lacks for most people wanting to see a place like more than qualifies it as a place that I would adore! 

So I had heard of Bedrock City many years ago, but to be honest it escapes me now where exactly, and I tell myself that one day I will go there. That 'one day' became the idea that sparked me to suggest it to my good friend Jen one day while I was at work. We both had been feeling the urge lately to get away and go on an adventure and we have been going on mini adventures together more and more in the last few months. It is really hard to find a friend that is up for the kind of weird things that i am into exploring, but it is helpful when that friend is also a photographer as well and appreciates little the shithole slices of america that I like to acquaint myself with. So I say randomly to Jen that it is too bad that we are letting her weekend off go to waste since she never has the full weekend off and that we could have gone to Bedrock City, with the text I send her the link to the yelp entry and she asks how far it is, I inform that it is 7 1/2 hours away and she replies "let's go!" Mind you, this is Mid-day Wednesday and we are talking about leaving 48 hours later. The plan happened so quickly and spawned into us driving into the night on friday after I see Coldcave, Soundgarden, and Nine Inch Nails (click here to read up on that backstory) straight to Bedrock City and then we realized how close we would be to the Grand Canyon (more on that in a follow up blog)and so this seemingly quick day trip because a full fledged weekend excursion. 

We arrived to Bedrock City at 7:30am on Saturday and  I had been up for 26 1/2 hours at that point. We talked all night, guzzled monsters, and were on a complete adrenaline high. I am truly impressed that we only stopped twice to pee and stretch. Anyhow we get to Bedrock and we figure that it is early so that must be why there is no one around and decide that it is a good idea to grad breakfast in their little diner inside where they off 50¢ cups of coffee. Walking through what served as a creepy gift shop we come into the tiny dinner in the back and proceed to stuff our faces a little too quickly. Once full and brains functioning on a semi-normal basis we head to the car to load up our camera gear and head in. 

Entrance to gift shop and dinner

Admission is $5 and you have to go through a little turnstile to get there. Once inside you can hear muffled sounds over a loudspeaker somewhere near by and see the desolate fabrI inform that it is 7 1/2 hours away and she replies "let's go!" Mind you, this is Mid-day Wednesday and we are talking about leaving 48 hours later. The plan happened so quickly and spawned into us driving into the night on friday after I see Coldcave, Soundgarden, and Nine Inch Nails (click here to read up on that backstory) straight to Bedrock City and then we realized how close we would be to the Grand Canyon (more on that in a follow up blog)and so this seemingly quick day trip because a full fledged weekend excursion. 

We arrived to Bedrock City at 7:30am on Saturday and  I had been up for 26 1/2 hours at that point. We talked all night, guzzled monsters, and were on a complete adrenaline high. I am truly impressed that we only stopped twice to pee and stretch. Anyhow we get to Bedrock and we figure that it is early so that must be why there is no one around and decide that it is a good idea to grad breakfast in their little diner inside where they off 50¢ cups of coffee. Walking through what served as a creepy gift shop we come into the tiny dinner in the back and proceed to stuff our faces a little too quickly. Once full and brains functioning on a semi-normal basis we head to the car to load up our camera gear and head in. 

Admission is $5 and you have to go through a little turnstile in the gift shop to get there. Once inside you can hear muffled sounds over a loudspeaker somewhere near by and see the desolate fabricated stone-age town before you, but there is no life, just a strange and eerie feeling that washes over you. It's the kind of feeling you get when you know that a place never really lived up to its potential. Just a weird little piece of Americana gone wrong. Well, gone right to me, but mostly gone wrong to most people coming here expecting some sort of amusement park feel. 

However...

This Dinosaur doubled as a slide

Some buildings had larger decor/things left inside 

Fred's house even had a record player

I brought along my digital camera as well as my Fuji Instax 210 and my Polaroid 103 Land Camera, but it seemed to me that this place was meant to be photographed in analog so I only shot my Land Camera while I was there. We spend a total of 4 hours there photographing and exploring this strange little place and it is hard to put into words the feeling that you walk away having gone to place like that other than knowing one day, in the probable near future, this place will no longer exist. Or maybe it will be abandoned and it will be an even bigger excuse to come back. For as empty and weird as this place was it is nicely maintained. There is even a theatre that has a benches inside where they loop old Flintstone episodes, but unfortunately the day before there was a thunderstorm and it flooded the place so the episodes were not playing. Just random conversations over the loudspeaker next to the building. Also, there was one single living thing there and it was a goat, just one goat all by itself in a cage. I couldn't bring myself to go over there knowing that he was here all day long by himself without even a friend in his sizable cage. In the entire 4 hours we were there 6 other people fluttered in and out of there, likely on their way to the Grand Canyon, thinking that they were going to get a treat by stopping by, they all seemed greatly disappointed.

Though...

All major characters were represented

Though they were all so spaced apart it made the town even creepier

And serious, what is up with this Fred?

The one character i didn't get a photo of was Dino, but that was because he was positioned under a tree with horrible shadows cast over him.

The rest of this set can be found here.

On the way out I took a selfie of me and Jen on my iPhone inside the volcano.

I am really glad I made this silly idea a reality, it definitely was an amazing weekend that left me feeling inspired and recharged. However, this was only the beginning. Though that is along blog for another day.

The adventure continues...

all images © Delicate Decay Photography

Epic Weekend Prelude and Execution

Every so often I will just get a wild idea into my head. Usually it involves some sort of adventure because I am prone to exploring and wandering my way through the world. Last week I was speaking to my good friend Jen, who very recently started to join me on my little explorations, when the idea came to me that I really wanted to just get away. My immediate thought was that I wanted to just drive somewhere and see something that I have never seen. The first thing that came to mind was to explore the haunting roadside attraction of Bedrock City in Williams, AZ. From there a plan spawned very quickly and before you knew it we were setting up to leave Friday evening, yes just two days later. 

Coincidentally I had friday off of work because I had tickets to see Cold Cave, Soundgarden, and Nine Inch Nails at Verizon Wireless Amphitheater and I had taken it off as a precaution to traffic, so it was set; we would leave once I was done seeing the show, Jen driving through the night and me sleeping in the car. 

Friday approached and things got jumbled around and somehow my friend Chris ended up with an extra ticket to the show. Jen had been talking about how she had really wanted to go, so on a chance I text messaged her when she said she would be asleep and hoped for the best. by some miracle Jen received my text and she was on her way to the show. 

Cold Cave put on an amazing set and I am beyond thrilled that they were added to this leg of the tour last minute because it was a happy bonus. I am not a Soundgarden fan so I will refrain from commenting on them. Nine Inch Nails blew me away, after all of these years Trent really puts his all into his tours and played not only new songs from Hesitation Marks (which i LOVE), but also a great mix of all albums past. 

Now remember how I said that Jen was supposed to drive and I was supposed to sleep? Well since she came to the show last minute plans got rearranged and I ended up driving the first 4 1/2 hour leg of the drive. We both managed to stay up all night and on only two bathroom stops of the 7 1/2 hour drive. We were both running on adrenaline and zero calorie zero sugar Monster Energy Drinks and arrived to Bedrock City at around 7:30 AM. The day that followed was a mixture of awe, eerie, quiet, hysterical, delirious, and all around eventful. So much that it is going to take a few blogs to get through it all, so for now enjoy some images i got of the NIN stage show with my iPhone. Cold Cave played while it was still pretty light out and the sun was directly on them so i was not able to get any usable shots of them, of that i am pretty bummed, but if you haven't heard then definitely check them out!

all images © Delicate Decay Photography